Male Survivor Videos

Male Anorexia

Eating disorders aren't just for girls. I knew alot of guys in college who were obsessed with working out and watching what they ate. Check out the video.

Mother Teresa

Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.
Mother Teresa

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
Mother Teresa

Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without getting tired.
Mother Teresa

Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.
Mother Teresa

Each one of them is Jesus in disguise.
Mother Teresa

Even the rich are hungry for love, for being cared for, for being wanted, for having someone to call their own.
Mother Teresa

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
Mother Teresa

God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try.
Mother Teresa

Good works are links that form a chain of love.
Mother Teresa

I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.
Mother Teresa

I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness.
Mother Teresa

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
Mother Teresa

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
Mother Teresa

I try to give to the poor people for love what the rich could get for money. No, I wouldn't touch a leper for a thousand pounds; yet I willingly cure him for the love of God.
Mother Teresa

I want you to be concerned about your next door neighbor. Do you know your next door neighbor?
Mother Teresa

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
Mother Teresa

If we want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.
Mother Teresa

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
Mother Teresa

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Mother Teresa

If you want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out. To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.
Mother Teresa

In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.
Mother Teresa

Intense love does not measure, it just gives.
Mother Teresa

It is a kingly act to assist the fallen.
Mother Teresa

It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.
Mother Teresa

It is impossible to walk rapidly and be unhappy.
Mother Teresa

It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters.
Mother Teresa

Jesus said love one another. He didn't say love the whole world.
Mother Teresa

Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.
Mother Teresa

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.
Mother Teresa

Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.
Mother Teresa

Let us more and more insist on raising funds of love, of kindness, of understanding, of peace. Money will come if we seek first the Kingdom of God - the rest will be given.
Mother Teresa

Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go.
Mother Teresa

Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work.
Mother Teresa

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.
Mother Teresa

Loneliness is the most terrible poverty.
Mother Teresa

Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much love we put in that action.
Mother Teresa

Love begins by taking care of the closest ones - the ones at home.
Mother Teresa

Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand.
Mother Teresa

Many people mistake our work for our vocation. Our vocation is the love of Jesus.
Mother Teresa

One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.
Mother Teresa

Our life of poverty is as necessary as the work itself. Only in heaven will we see how much we owe to the poor for helping us to love God better because of them.
Mother Teresa

Peace begins with a smile.
Mother Teresa

Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.
Mother Teresa

Belonging

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Last One

Remember when you were a little kid and they would line you up alongside the rusted chain link fence. Each captain would pick someone to be on their team. Each time you were hoping that you wouldn't be the last kid picked. Remember that little knot in your stomach as your friend would scan the scraggly line, hoping inside "please pick me, please pick me." There something about being the last kid picked. Perhaps its shame. Perhaps its humiliation. Perhaps its the feeling that no one really wants me on their team, or that no one really wants me at all.No one likes being the last kid chosen to play on team.

David was the last one. No one really thought he would be the material to be a king. Even though David had his share of problems ( more of that to come later), God still chose the last one as his first choice.


The last ones. That is who God chooses to lead his kingdom- that is who he chose then, and that is who he chooses now.

Everyman

I am...
the sinner and the saint
the cynic and the believer
the wanderer and the committed
the courageous and the fearfull
the strong and the weak
the wise and the fool
the lover and the hater
the rich and the poor
the philanthropist and the hoarder
the envious and the content
the pagan and the priest
the rejected and the redeemed
the loner and the comrade
the vice and the virtue
the prodigal and the righteous
the warrior and the peacemaker
the leader and the follower
the athlete and the heckler
the judge, the jury, and the plaintiff
the condemned and the aquitted
the old and the young
the protector and the enemy
the guilty and the innocent
the friend and the foe
the despiser and embracer
the prejudice and the defender
the murderer and the healer
the hero and the villain

I am Everyman.

Inheritance

Everyman receives an inheritance from his father, regardless of his physical, emotional, or financial presence. Sometimes it is a great inheritance, one that leaves us feeling well endowed emotionally and relationally. Most of us though, never really take the time to assess our inheritance and in so doing, we fail to recognize the inheritance God- our heavenly father wants to give us- at least that is true for me.
My earthly father gave me:
rejection;
isolation;
absence;
a low self-esteem;
feelings of worthlessness;
insecurity;
pain;
sorrow;
friendlessness;
pride;
and FEAR!
My heavenly father though wants to give me another inheritance. He wants me to give to exchange the two.
He wants to give me:
acceptance;
community;
his presence;
value;
redemption;
assurance;
wisdom;
joy;
authentic relationships;
humility not to be confused with shame;
LOVE!

Great Article about Men & Faith!

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2008/april/27.48.html

Porn Star Parents

I am learning more about the stories in the bible. My wife and I picked up a book entitled "Harlot by the roadside." It revisits all the old testament stories that have been gleaned, glossed over, and made more like disney then a tell all-no holds barred expose. Yet the bible is full of men and women who couldn't measure upt to Leave it to Beaver scenarios with a quick fix and an adorable smile. Christ's ancestors were prostitutes, cheaters, con artists, liars, murderers,sex addicts, drunks, wimps, brutes, control freaks,manipulators, and the like. These were the ancestors to the Man-God who would revolutionize the world. Just as it should be.
Their story is our story. Their savior and redeemer is our savior and redeemer.

Everyone Poops

This are some profound books that I have read- and amoungst the ones I have listed on this blog, I should add "Everyone Poops."

Such a small and pedestrian act really has profound implications. The president has to wipe his own ass. Church elders, movie actors and actresses- all of them poop! Even the Pope poops. So did Jesus. Jesus pooped.

Somthing so smelly, so gassly, and obnoxious came from the man we call Christ. He was afterall human- right?

Everyone poops and everyone acts like we don't. We keep it hidden unless we are under some sort of medical emergency or a poop exhibitionist who doesn't like to flush in public restrooms. I am going off on a little tangent.

Think about it. Every single person has a messy life that we like to conceal and flush down the proverbial toilet.
Isn't this is alot like what sin is? We eat something or indulge in a particular sin. We consume it. It is inside of us. We think we are the sin. We have identified with the sin. Oh God I am a piece of oreo cheesecake. We think we are the decadent dessert. we feel special but only for a time. It provides a momentary sense of worth and fullness. We have at least stopped the hunger pains. It passes through us. We smell the vile stench. We think we are the crap sitting beneath our bottom. We think we are the crap. We say to ourselves "I am worth less- please save me." All the while Jesus is saying- You are more than a piece of cheesecake and you are certainly more than a pile of crap."
He tells us to flush. Our slate or ass is wiped clean. But we chain ourselves to a false throne. We say it cannot be that easy. We believe we are the bile. He says arise and go sin no more. We say- can't impossible. He says we can. We think he is full of it. We fail to see isn't.

This is me, is that you?

We all learn to play hide and seek as children. Thing is, we continue to play it as adults. If we are lucky we will be found.
Sometimes we don't want to be found. Sometimes we just want to keep on hiding. We believe the last man hiding wins. So we stay underneath the mattress or behind a doorway waiting to win and just as much waiting to be found.
Sad thing though, if we are never found we will go on thinking that we have won the game meanwhile all our "found" friends are enjoying one another's company. They have moved on to another game. Still a winner?
We learn to play hide and seek. The hiding is the easy part. It is the being found that is the hard part. Sometimes when we are found we are ridiculed. Sometimes we are found and we feel ashamed. We want to go back to our hiding place. Alone.
I would like to think the Christian way of playing hide and seek is more like the game of sardines. Someone hides- and everyone else has to find that person and hide with them. The last man to find the group- loses but in a way he wins. He is proactively searching for everyone- for the community- and he receives his reward. Rather than hiding alone- he hides with everyone else.
I would like to think this is the Christian version of hiding, But it isn't always.
Most of us are left hiding in our isolation only desperately wanting to be found.

Identity

here is a famous quote:
Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
Here is the paradox:
Your thoughts are not who you are,
your words don't reveal your true worth,
your actions don't reveal your identity,
your habits don't detract or add to your value,
your character is always loved including all virtues and vices,
and your destiny is to give up your Life.

quiet today

My soul is quiet today, like a summer day without wind, without momentum. Perhaps tomorrow will cause the stillness cease.

My soul is quiet today, like the midnight hours of a sleepless night. Perhaps tomorrow the sun will rise that will cause the darkness to fade.

My soul is quiet today, like the peace after a fresh snowfall. Perhaps tomorrow the deer will come out and break the virgin snow.

My soul is quiet today, and I will merely listen in these hours, until I hear that small voice from the depths that says "I love you, you are mine and I am your today and forever tomorrow."

Will you catch me?

Almost every baby loves to be picked and tossed up in the air. The laugh, they giggle, and their littel faces light up when dad comes overs, swooshes down and throws them up in the air. The look at Dad'd face as if to say- again daddy, again. There is no fear of falling. There is no hatred of not being in control. There is no fear of pain. In fact it is sure pleasure. Kids actually like the feeling of falling...of falling into their father's arms. Each time they fall, they aren't hurt by hitting the ground below them, unless they have a monster for a father or a father who has poor eye hand coordination. Yes, each time a child falls in this way- he equates it with trust, with love, and with affection.

Rainbows

Today I was told that I need to grieve.
I don't like grieving- there is such finality in grieving.
I was told by someone with wisdom that I was in denial.
I was the man who chased the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow- of many many rainbows only to be disappointed once again. With great hope I would wait for another rainbow only to find my hands empty and my heart wanting.
Today I was told that I must give up my dream of rainbows, leprechauns,and shiny pots and replace my promised filled sky with torrential downpours and lightening strikes. Sound like a fair trade?
perhaps only if you are unicorn.

Struggle

I want to run away from it and yet always be on the other side.
I want all the benefits and not any of the consequences.
I want all the glories and none of the sacrifice.
I want all the pleasure and none of the pain.
I want all the virtues without ever having to admit or work through my vices.
I want all the courage without any of the fear.
I want all the admiration without any of the mercy.
I want all the wisdom without any of the mistakes.
I want all the knowledge without any admittance to ignorance.
I want all the freedom without any of the responsibility.
I want all the love without any self revelation.
I want all the grace without any of the truth.
I want all the relationships without any of the drama.
I want all the encouragement without any of the criticism.
I want all the strength without any of the weakness.
I want all the spotlights without any of my darkness being exposed.
I want all the winnings without any of the failures.
What I want is all the success without any of the struggle.

And that terrifies me.

There is a quote that is echoing in my soul today, it reads-
"Champions do not become champions when they win the event, but in the hours, weeks, months and years they spend preparing for it. The victorious performance itself is merely the demonstration of their championship character” T. Allen Armstrong

I can understand the prayer of the confederate soldier. It went something like this.

I asked for strength that I might achieve; I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health that I might do greater things; I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for riches that I might be happy; I was given poverty that I might be wise. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men; I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life; I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I had asked for, but everything that I had hoped for. Almost despite myself my unspoken prayers were answered; I am, among all men, most richly blessed.

Canaries

Today I lay on my bed and looked over at the alarm. It was an hour before the alarm would go off and darkness still permeated through the window. I had another dream, half awake and half sleeping.
I dreamt I walked into an old antique store with 10 foot ceilings. The door creaked behind me as a little bell announced my entrance. I was surrounded by oriental rugs and antique furniture. There was an old man with wispy white hair and gold spectacles at the carved wooden desk at the back of the store.
The room was now silent except for quiet chirp of a bird. Then I heard another bird, and another but I couldn't see them. The old man looked up above the rims of his glasses and asked me "Boy, are you wondering where the birds are?" "Yes" i replied. He told me "Close your eyes and listen for a few minutes. Then when you are ready- you can open your eyes."
I closed my eyes. I heard listened to the chirps. The sound was so small at first and then I hear more birds and more birds .There were thousand now. I opened my eyes.
I looked around the room again and that is when I noticed the bird cages. The place was filled with bird cages of all shapes, colors, and sizes. Some were fancy and other plain. Some looked broken and others were magnificently beautiful. In each bird cage though was a little yellow canary singing away. The brilliant yellow was in stark contrast with the muted brown colors of the furniture and the rugs.
The old man looked over at me again, and said “ well- what do you think of my place?” “It’s beautiful.” I replied.”
”Good” he said. “this is life.”
With that he disappeared.
Somehow I understood. The human body is like the cage. It comes in different hues, shapes, and levels of brokenness and the bird is like the soul. Every human body has one. You just have to look past the "birdcage" to notice it.

Living is...

Living is Loving
Loving is Giving
Giving is Living
What more can I say except "Thank you?"

Lost in Translation

There is so much meaning that is lost in translation when trying to understand a foreign language and a foreign culture. We miss the subtleties and little nuances that make things funny or meaningful. Imagine watching the tv show "The Office: and not having any knowledge about Affirmative Action or Sexual Discrimination. All of the show’s genius would be lost. It wouldn’t be worth watching. We would think the show was lame and the actors pitiful. Michael Scott would not be a household name. Yet, because we are familiar with our cultural standards though, the show is a smash hit. Context is everything.
If you have ever read the Bible or been in a church where it is read, how often do we read it without realizing that we are missing huge chunks of information just because we don’t know the culture it was written in? We rob the stories of its power, like robbing The Office of its humor, when we don’t understand the cultural commentary it is trying to make.
When we understand the Jewish culture that Christ lived we begin to understand the powerful and radical message that Jesus conveyed. For example, women in Jewish culture weren’t given much attention. In fact, they weren’t given any attention. The only rights they had we “given” to them by men. They were not full citizens like American women. They were considered less than human.
So then the impact of Jesus acknowledging Mary Magdelene without wanting a sexual favor was extraordinary. Jesus not only befriended a woman- he befriended a woman that was treated less than human- she was just considered to be a man’s sexual toy and nothing else. For Christ to allow this woman to wash his feet was to do nothing short of a socio-cultural miracle.
Christ came and lived within culture. His messages, although containing universal truths, were culturally specific. What do you think he did during the 30 years he lived before he started ministering? His nose just wasn’t in the Torah. He was learning, watching, seeing. How many women did Jesus be stoned to death before he stepped in the Tale of the woman who committed adultery? How many lepers did he see waste away as society kept going? How many children did he see be abused as he himself was growing into manhood?
Jesus was a man who understood his culture because he fully embraced his culture. He watched everything and from his watching he was able to transform.
Compare that to what we as Christians did to other cultures in the name of Christ. We raped American Indians of their culture. We obliterated a people who honored the life of animals and the ground on which they lived. We wonder why we now have problems with global warming, with animal cruelty, and with pollution. We destroyed a group because we didn’t take the time to listen, to live within the culture, and to understand.
Compare how Christ lived to that of a southern slave owner. Buying & Selling a human life to perform whatever whim the owner so chose. Forced to no longer speak their native tongue, forced to leave the family, never knowing how his beloved bride or children faired in their lives. We wonder why many African American fathers don’t commit to their, why we keep Ghettos that are predominately black, and we fear the black man crossing the street at night.
This was not the message of Jesus Christ. This was another message in its entirety. The true Christian message was hijacked by a group or professing Christians who feared that their own beliefs, their own customs, and their way of living would be destroyed.

"Seeing is believing"

If christianity truly is about seeing people for who they truly are and trying to see God for who he truly is then what does that mean for me? Why do I fail to see others?
Because seeing others may cause me to reorient my entire life.
It may cost me my time.
It may cost me my money.
It may cost me my comfort.
It may cost me my reputation.
It may cost me my security.
It may cost me my possesions.
It may cost me my job.
It may cost me my friends.
It may cost me my family.
It may cost me my life.
How often do I fail to see the waiter at a restauraunt as person- as a living human being with needs, wants, and desires of their own? How often do I fail to see the cashier at Wal-Mart as a person who has wounds, dreams, and feelings? How often-and I mean often, do I fail to see the person who is driving the car in front of me going 5 miles under the speed limit as a person who just wants to be cautious rather than as someone who is getting in my way?
Looking at the bible through this lens of "seeing is believing" has transformed traditional Old Testament stories into captivating tales for me. Almost every time before a disaster happens, the people of the city fail to see one another. They only see what they can gain from one another instead of what they can give. Take for instance the tale about Sodom & Gommorah. Two strangers enter the town only to be sexually sought after from the townfolk. Instead of seeing these strangers as human beings in their own right, the townfolk wanted to use them for their own sexual pleasure. What did God do? He breathed fire and brimstone on the whole town, killing every inhabitant except for Lot and his family. What was the sin of Sodom? Could it have been that they only saw the world through a filter of what they could gain from others? Why is it that God's answer was to destroy this place? What was so wicked that needed to be completely wiped off the face of the planet? What lesson are we supposed to learn from this story?

Let's look at what happened after 9/11. I am not condoning terrorism at all, but New York City was not the same city on 9/12 that it was on 9/10. September 10, 2001 most of the city was self centered. Most New Yorkers were focused on advancing their own careers, filling their own stomachs, and pursuing their own pleasures. On September 12, 2001 City was a totally different place. People began to see one another. They began to see the custodian worker who worked at her job on the 87th floor. They began to see the firefighter who risked his life everyday. People began to notice the world around them. They began to see the needs of others beyond their own. It took a disaster notice someone else but they began to notice.They began to acknowledge one another the street. They began to see the person behind the register. The noticed one another so much so that when New York had a massive power outage that there wasn't the amount of crime & chaos usually associated with such an event.
Now its been 7 years and the noticing of others is a,well, a little less noticeable and we shall wait until something happens when we begin to notice the person next door.

Emotional Poverty

Emotional wealth is the storing up of positive, loving, fun and encouraging experiences.
Emotional poverty is not only the absence of positive experience but the present of negative experiences. It is like the negative experiences rob us of our positive experiences.
How many of us are emotionally poor? Not just, I don't have any cash in my back pocket poor, but I am living in a cardboard box kind of emotionally poor?
So how do we get out of poverty? How do we go from emotional rags to emotional wealth?
We need to accept that God- the one who created the whole world- this God who was before time and who will be after time ends- this God sees you. This God not only sees you but loves you. Not only doesn he see the most shameful acts you ever committed, the most humilating experiences you ever had, the most selfish impulses you every fulfilled, not only does he see it he sees you and he loves you. He has come to make your emotional overdrawn bank balanced. He has put a deposit in your bank that you only need to acknowledge to redeem. He has a storehouse of emotional riches for you and guess who are the keepers of the storehouse- our brothers!

Filters

Each one of us has a filter through which we see the world. With that filter we are able to focus on certain things and not on others. Our filter basically encourages to choose one path over another, choose one person over another, to choose one life over another. Our filter becomes our personality. According to some researches our filter is set in place by the time we are 15.
Since we see the world through our filter, we also see people through that filter as well. We fail to see others for who they truly are. Instead we tend to focus on aspects of others and ignore other attributes. Our perceptions of people will become the reality of our relationship with them. Our relationships as adults are usually formed from the relationships we had as children.
If we had an over emotional, controlling, or absent mother, it will affect or relationship with women. If we had a loving, caring, and attentive mother, our relationships with women will also reflect that. If we came for an emotional rich family, it will encourage us to reach out and befriend others. If we came from an emotionally chaotic or depleted family, it will encourage us to protect ourselves either by isolating ourselves or by controlling others. There is a saying about financial wealth that could easliy be applied here:The emotional rich get richer while the emotional poor get poorer.
What if we weren't born into an emotionally rich family? What if our background is so full of brokenness, chaos, or addiction that there seems as if there is no hope? What if we started creating the same depraved legacy our parents or grandparents started? Can we possibly end the emotionally desolate family tree that is ours?
The answer of course is yes. Yes we can, through the help of One who is stronger than you or I.
We do not have to continue the cycle. We can choose to momentous effort to stop. But it is not an easy choice. It will be a struggle. It will be hard. We will have to not only face our own fears and our own pain but that also of our family. If we truly want to transform the inheritance we give our own children, we first have to take stock of the inheritance we were given which created our filter. We have to look at our filter's influence in order to understand that our filter does not always adequately perceive the world. We must identify those areas and the context in which they formed in order to move on.

SIN & True Religion

It has taken me 28 years to figure out what the heart of the Christian message is and now that I understand it- I want to share it!
I have heard many sermons which defined sin as “missing the mark.” I always assumed that the bull’s eye that I could never hit was a standard of living, i.e. not breaking any of the Ten Commandments. I erroneously believed that the bull’s eye was to avoid committing all of the deadly sins. This makes sense after all since we have all fallen short of the glory of God.
But the glory of God is not a standard of living- like the ability to live a lust-less, envy-less, glutton-less, pride-less, or selfish-less, sloth-less, or angry-less life. I never fathomed that this is not glory. In fact, this is the opposite of glory. This is exactly what Christ preached against when he rebuked the Pharisees- the religious leaders and experts of his time. The Pharisees practiced keeping the religious duties of their day- honoring the Sabbath, not eating unclean meat, tithing, and the like. They performed everything they needed to perform and it was still not enough. They fell short too not because their efforts were useless but for another reason. It wasn’t their efforts that God was rebuking. In fact, Jesus tells them that they should continue to do all the things that they were performing. These acts are all the right acts to perform. So if Jesus wasn’t rebuking their actions what was he commenting on? Was it their motivation?
Like the Pharisees I thought that living such a “spotless” life is the glory of God. After all we are called to be perfect like our father in heaven is perfect, right? And then I reasoned…But his perfection is not in his actions-God’s perfection is in his heart. God embodies the invisible while man embodies the physical. It is man who looks at the outward appearance but it is God who looks within a man’s heart. Could this possibly have something to do with the “bull’s eye” definition of sin?
And then I felt God asking me “ Tony, exactly what is the bull’s eye? What is my glory? What is it exactly that all the laws hang on?” I started thinking about the two greatest commandments: Love the lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul. And the second is just like it. Love your neighbor as yourself.
And that is when I got it. I mean really got it. Not just pretend to get it because that is what I was supposed to say even though I said it before that my faith is about a relationship with God because it sounds like it is true and I want to believe it is true and I convinced myself it was true but I still couldn’t fully fathom what that meant and so it quickly became a cliché that I would nod my head to when other people say it or when I said it myself. I know that that was a run on sentence. But that is exactly what my life felt like. There was no chance to take a breath.
So I want to share with you what I found. The bull’s eye isn’t performing outward religious duties. The bull’s eye is actually God himself. The target that we keep missing is not in the performance of some righteous act but the ability to see God for who he truly is. Because we fail to see our creator for who he is, we also fail to see ourselves for who we truly are and who others truly are. So if the definition of sin is missing the mark or the bull eyes from which all other rings fan out of- is it possible that the bull’s eye is the soul? We sin because we fail to see our identity and the identity of others in God?

So if I look at pornography the sin I commit is that I lust after a created being for my own pleasure, for my own self-worship. Isn’t that what masturbation is – a form of self worship?
And if I am impatient with others, isn’t the sin that I commit t is that I fail to see other’s needs by valuing my own wants above theirs?
And if I am greedy, isn’t because I exploit other’s weaknesses so that I could fulfill my own needs, wants and desires?
So when I fail to see others for who they are, that is when I will either worship them or ignore them. I will either make them superhuman or not human at all. To those I worship- I will give more respect, admiration, power, and control than they deserve. To those I ignore- I will not even acknowledge their existence as a fellow human being. I will cast them off, dis-empower, invalidate, abuse, use, and throw away.
I will use a standard of judgment to decide who falls into what category. I will evaluate everyone based on gender, race, religion, physical ability, social economic status, sexual orientation, nationality, age, power, occupation, talent, and even ADDICTIONs. I will judge people on what they can do for me-will they help me gain better status or will they ruin my reputation? Will they fill my needs or will they demand that I fill theirs? Will I benefit from them or will they benefit from me?
To the ones I worship- I sacrifice myself. I put myself on their alter and I worship a false idol. To those that ignore, I demand to be worshiped! I demand a sacrifice! Thus sin is to misidentify who people are for our gain- for our own self worship.
Isn’t this exactly what Adam and Eve did in order to become like God? Isn’t his what we do everyday?
Jesus lived a sinless life. What exactly does that mean? To use my new found definition of sin- it means Jesus never confused who he was, he never lost his identity and he never lost the identity of those around him. Jesus was able to hang out with sinners, tax collectors, lepers, and prostitutes because he was able to see their true identity.
He gave voice to the voiceless. He gave sight to not only the blind but to the invisibles. Jesus acknowledged the invisibles in his society. He focused on the soul not the body.
Thus the message of Christ is seeing- seeing the invisibles on this earth and making them visible, seeing the soul in others and in ourselves.

Connection

True connection- true authentic human connection- when one soul is able to see another soul- will never ever leave either party feeling shamed or exploited. Abuse-physical,emotional, or sexual is not human connection. Love is the language of the soul and love is spoken through peace, patience, kindness, self-control, believing the best, hoping for what is good, keeping no record of wrongs,and valuing.
Forgiveness pays all debts owed where human connection has failed, where it was exploited, manipulated, or shamed.

Doughnuts

I am convinced that in our post-modern- 21st century- western civilization, our daily bread, you know the kind we ask God for right before we forgive others of their trespasses, wouldn’t be the Eucharist but it would have to be the doughnut; forever popularized by Dunkin and definitely monopolized by Krispy Kreme. I think the munchkins would agree. Let me explain.
Did you know that Dunkin Donuts has more variety of donuts then Baskin Robins has of ice cream? There are 52 to be in fact! In 2006 Dunkin reported earning 4.3 BILLION dollars and they appropriately changed their motto to “America runs on Dunkin.” Did you also know that Krispy Kreme produces 7.5 million doughnuts each day which results to around 2 billion doughnuts each year? In addition, Krispy Kreme averages above 100 million dollars in sales each quarter. Let’s face it, there is a lot of dough (wink, wink) in the doughnut business.
Not surprisingly, our doughnut culture does not stay outside our church’s door. Don’t believe me? Next Sunday try asking 5 people if they can name you a baker’s dozen (13) of different variety of donuts and see how long it takes them. Then ask the same 5, if they can identify all 13 disciples, including the one that replaced ________?
Did you know that the majority of doughnut shops sell more doughnuts on Saturday and Sunday than they do during the work week, especially Sunday? Look into any Sunday school classroom and you start to get the picture. Whenever I go to a church on Sunday, I always know there will be a doughnut somewhere. I might have to sneak into children’s church, but I almost always find my treasure. Churches & doughnuts go together like sprinkles and doughnuts, you can have one without the other but there always seems to be something missing when you don’t have both.
I must pause to make another little confession; sometimes my gluttonous thoughts drift to the sweet temptations during my pastor’s sermons. Sorry Doug! It ends up creating a hodge-podge of fact and fantasy that I quickly try to cover up when my wife asks me what I thought about the sermon on the car ride home.
Once, I envisioned that I was one of the Israelites in the book of Exodus. I was wondering through the desert while looking for my manna from heaven, the doughnut. Can you imagine if doughnuts fell from heaven? Oh look a Boston crème over there, a French curler over there and another glazed one over there! I would definitely have been one of those characters that hoarded the doughnut for breakfast in the morning only to find that it was rotten. No need to cry, there would be fresh ones falling from the sky! I was so enraptured by the doughnut downpour that when I awakened it was time for communion.
But, If am really honest with myself, it is not the bread of the communion table that I really crave on Sunday mornings, but the fried white flour dough dunked in syrupy sugar I have hidden in my pocket so that I can snack on it during my pastor’s sermons one clandestine piece at a time. Ok, I have never actually done that, but I have thought about it. Yes, I would rather have a doughnut than a wafer. Come on, Have you ever said to your spouse, wow I am really hungry for that communion bread we had on Sunday? If you are like me, the thought would never even cross your mind. It is white, tasteless, and usually of such minute proportions that not even a mouse would be full after eating one. In my heart of hearts, I think others would agree with me.
I also believe that our churches’ spend more money on our doughnut tables than we do on the communion table. If our money shows what we really want to put in our mouths, than what is it that we truly value?
When the Israelites broke bread it was a far cry from the decadent Bavarian crème variety of today. It was a stone ground whole grain variety which took a lot of effort to produce. Imagine the biblical character of Ruth gleaning the wheat from Boaz’s field, then threshing the wheat, and then grinding the grain. The process would affect her whole body. Her forehead would be soaked full of sweat, her hands calloused, and still her stomach would be empty. She would still be picking out the chaff in her hair while starting to make the dough. She would then let it rise for hours on end and then bake it in a wood oven which she would have to attend to in order regulate the temperature. To make this one loaf, was the work of her life each day. It built character, demanded determination, and required patience-A lot of patience.
When friends and family broke bread together in the evening, they were literally sharing their lives with each other. Someone would bring the day’s bread, another wine, and Ruth would bring her bread. Each delicacy was the product of a day’s work. They valued the company of one another so much that they were willing to work all day for it. When they ate this bread, it brought nutrition to their bodies, life to their soul, and joy to their spirit.
When Jesus broke his own bread at the last supper, this is the process he was referring to when he said this is my body, take it and eat it. In essence, Jesus was saying take this as a symbol of my life’s work. This piece of bread is not only good for your body but it is even better for your soul. I am offering you my life, my sweat, by calloused hands, and my gift of patience. The meaning behind a single crumb of this ancient bread is worth its weight 1,000 times over than a single doughnut sprinkle because you were partaking in another’s life, not another‘s profits.
Fast forward 2,000 years to last Sunday. In a Sunday school room somewhere, anywhere, in America. I and another gentleman stand together sipping our Starbucks brand coffee in one hand while holding a Krispy Kreme doughnut in the other with a polite banter of news, sports, and weather going back and forth between us. There is no strong symbolism, no rich metaphor, and no sense of deeper of meaning in the simple interaction over the breaking of this so called bread. Or is there?
I think there is deeper meaning but we first must look at the simple facts about doughnuts. Sad to say, doughnuts do not serve any nutritional value to our bodies whatsoever. The average size doughnut is loaded with 22 grams of fat; they have an enormous amount of sugar, and miniscule traces of vitamins and minerals. Perhaps that is why even the most expensive ones cost less than one dollar. I think nothing of putting my fingers in one to find out what it is filled with only to throw it out when I don’t find my favorite filling. The purpose of this donut is not to sustain life by its nutritional value or lack thereof nor bring community in the biblical sense but to bring about my own comfort and pleasure! The sole purpose of my consumption of a doughnut is indulgence.
So in this one interaction with the other gentleman, I have revealed that I like things that are convenient, sugar coated, and that costs me very little. Sure there was some dialogue between him and I, but it didn’t go any deeper than the thickness of my paper coffee cup. I never discovered what drives him to wake up in the morning, what sacrifices did he make to commune with me and more importantly what sacrifices did I make for him? If I am truly honest with myself, I think the doughnut is a symbol for who I have become as a Christian, the antithesis of everything Jesus represented.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’ think doughnuts are evil. In fact, it would be legalistic of me to believe that if I never ate another doughnut that it would solve all of my problems. It is not the doughnut but the love of doughnuts that exposes my inner inclination to desire my own comfort and pleasure with the least amount of energy, risk, and commitment. The doughnut is a synecdoche, a term that Wikipedia defines as being a small object which accurately represents something much larger than itself.
Have I have lost touch with what it means to desire community so much that I am willing to work all day for it? Have I lost touch with the daily patience it takes to produce the gifts which truly sustains life? Have I lost offering a gift that defines who I am individually order to discover who “we” are communally? I am a little afraid of finding out the answers.
If I am what I eat than I think it is time I change my diet.
If I am striving for my body to become a lean, mean, fat burning machine so it can meet the demands that the world places on it, then I sabotage myself at every meal which consists of chocolate covered donuts. If I always want the glazed, convenient, junk food than my physique will never match its potential. But if this is true for my own body, could the same be said for the church body?
If we as a church only consume the things which are sugar-coated, highly processed to the point it loses any benefit, and convenient, then will we ever match our own potential to become an effective body? Will we be able to respond to the demands that our world places on us? Do we really crave the doughnut over communion bread? Are you afraid of finding out the answers too?
To play off of Dunkin’s famous words, I believe it is not time to make the doughnuts, but time to make our bread of true communion.

Judging

For the same measure as you judge others, you too will be judged.

Men make fun of women for how they will judge their sisters. Did you see her make up? What was she thinking when she wore that? As men we pride ourselves for not taking on seemingly petty observances. Yet we as men judge our brothers more than our female counterparts judge their sisters. We just keep silent about judgments-at least most of the time.
He's got a smaller paycheck then I do. He's better at sports than I am. Man, let me tell you about the 20 pound fish I caught.

Ever play that childhood game king of the hill? Its a game of survival of the fittest. The boy at the top of the hill must defend the territory and as long as he stands his ground he his king. All other boys envious of his right to boast, attacks the king until he his dethroned. They look for any sign of weakness, any blind spot he may have and they pounce on it. If we are not careful, we will play that game the rest of our life, jockeying to be top dog.

We feel when we are the top dog, the alpha male. We feel great when we live up to society's expectations of what men are supposed to be. When men are strong, confident, competitive, independent, vocal, athletic, rich,and successful they tend judge others based on their success.
Yet along with that success, it a failure to explore deeper questions. Research has shown that when men live up to masculine standards that the don't contemplate the big questions in life like "what is is the purpose of my life? Why am I here?
Jesus talked about it beinger harder for a rich man to enter heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle. THis is because the rich man doesn't need to contemplate the meaning of life where as the poor man, the man in want, is more likely to pursue a deeper existence.

Hippocratic Oath

Our motto as men should be the same motto as medicals doctors “First do no harm.” At the least,if we can’t leave the world a better place than we should strive to not make it any worse.
In the documentary film, a Flight From Death, the film makers propose that when a man is in search of creating his own version of paradise on earth, he usually does so at the expense of someone else. That is to say that when we create our own heaven we produce someone's else hell for what we really want is to be our own god. We want complete control in order to protect our pleasure.

But as men,we can choose not make someone else's hell. We can choose not too participate in the sex trade, or to abstain from getting drunk so that we don't drive drunk. We can choose not too litter.

Even before a doctor ever attempts to make an intervention he must ask of himself, “Am I going to cause more harm to this patient than good even if they are only sitting in the waiting room?” The doctor must reason that his intervention will not put his patient under any further distress or compound the seriousness of the situation. He must weigh the risk of healing over the risk of maintaining the patient’s condition and then, and only then can he act.

Like doctors, we should seek to avoid harming members of our faith, our congregation, our families and ourselves by the messages we preach both in the pulpit and in our daily lives. We need to protect the name of Christ from anything that is not true which means we must be willing to un-root anything that can cause potential harm. How many lives could be spared of pain, regret, and remorse if the men in our lives would just fulfill this one mission?

But the work of a doctor is never done. There is always someone who needs healing. There are bones that need mending and skin that needs grafting. The workers are few but the needs are great. Because the needs are so great, it is quite easy for them to forget. Doctors are notorious for lacking self care. Attending to the needs of others, they forget to attend to their own needs whether it be spiritual, physical, emotional, or relational.

Doctors get tired. They get angry. They get hungry. And they get lonely. If they fail to acknowledge these human needs, they put their patients at greater risk. That is, they are more likely to forget their first oath. With well meaning intentions, they attend to each client’s needs making decisions that neglect or reflect their own needs.

No matter how well intentioned the doctor may be, if he causes the patient more harm than good he will be accountable. If brought before a judicial board of his peers, he will always be asked about the Hippocratic Oath.
Throughout each day we must ask ourselves, have I at least, not harmed myself, my family, or my faith?

InValid

Today I awoke angry. Ever have one of those nights when you are fighting with someone in your dreams and the lasting effects linger with you just like the bad taste in your mouth that gives you morning breath? This morning I have the foulest breath that no amount of mouthwash can absolve it.
In my dream I was living back at home with my parents in my old room. I loved my room. It was both my solace and my prison, but that is beside the point. Back in the room, I don’t know exactly what I was doing but something crashed through the ceiling and fell on top of me. Although it didn’t kill me it was crushing me. I cried out for my family to come and they did. My mom screamed and my sister’s gasped but my dad just stood there. My mom was trying to push whatever was on me with all of her strength. My sister’s too were also trying to wrap their arms around this heavy object but to no avail. Each woman in my family begged and pleaded for my father to help, but their calls went unanswered. All their effort was in vain meanwhile my dad just stood there doing absolutely nothing. I was furious.
All throughout my childhood my parents did a great job at invalidating my feelings. I would fight with my middle sister constantly as children are supposed to do. My parents, instead of investigating the situation, would tell us how lucky we are to have a sibling because my mother had lost her brother when I was born. How exactly is that supposed to make an 8 year old feel? I tell you- guilty and shameful. No wonder why I struggle with those feelings now 20 years later. I share that with you because as I write this I am struggling with my feelings. I am telling myself-no you shouldn’t really feel like that. I am telling myself that I am bad son for writing that about my parents. But if I am going to get better I must write. I must give voice to that voiceless child that is within me that is begging to live a life worth living. Invalidating someone’s feelings makes them an invalid. An invalid is someone who cannot move, someone who is shut in and someone who shuts out. I am tired of being an invalid.

Prodigal Father

Even if you are not a church going Christian, you may be familiar with the story of the prodigal son. If not let me recap it for you. There is a rich man who has two sons. One of them tells dad that he is ready to go off on his own and instead of waiting for his father to die to receive his inheritance that he would like to enjoy it right now. The father grants his son’s request. The son quickly takes the money, moves to another town and lives a life of revelry. He forgets his father and brother back home as he is too busy partying and having sex with numerous women. The son ends up squandering his wealth while his new found friends end up leaving him. Without a penny in his pocket this wayward son ends up tending to pigs. A moment of clarity hits him when he notices that he is drooling over the slop the pigs are eating. He decides to return back home. Cautiously he approaches his old home when his father, comes running out to greet his son. Weeping tears of happiness, the father welcomes his son with open arms. He then tells his servants to prepare a celebration. Meanwhile the other son who had stayed hears of his brother’s return and refuses to participate in the activities. That is the story in a nut shell.
It is a great story used to illustrate the love of God for his earthly sons. Listeners are supposed to resonate not with the father but with the son as we gain the understanding of mercy, forgiveness, and grace.
But what if the son never had such a forgiving father? What if his father was an alcoholic or sex addict or a child molester? What if the father in the story was the one who walked out on the son? What would the story be then? What lessons would be demonstrated in the story of a wayward father?

Am I my brother's keeper?

Why?
Why do we as men fear keeping brothers?
What is it about exposing our inner most being to another male that terrifies us?
Is it because we fear retribution?
Is it becasue we have been trained since childhood not show our vulnerable side to our male comrades lest we become the target of ridicule and scorn?
Is it because that any time we showed weakness it was always used against us?
I Cor. talks about when I was a child I thought like a child, but when I became a man I put my childish ways behind me?
Thing is most men still live like they are a little boy.

Genesis talks about the first two brothers in the world. They were as different as night and day. One tended to animals the other tended to the field. Both worshiped the same God though. God demanded a sacrifice of animal blood. Cain, the farmer, didn't feel that was necessary so he offered up the works of his own hands. We can understand his reasoning, why not give from what is familiar? That is another issue. The story goes on that Cain gets jealous of his brother, Abel, and kills him. The first brotherhood relationship ends in murder not too mention that the first death in the newly created world ends because one man is jealous of another.
God asks Cain what happened to Abel and Cain's reply is "Am I my brother's keeper?" He basically states "Why should I know or care where he is?"
You see, Cain had already killed his brother. Abel's blood had stained Cain's hands and Cain still refuses to take ownership over his brother.
That my friend reveals our own temptation with our brothers. We get jealous. Perhaps they have more money than us, a better looking spouse, more friends, a better job- the list can go on. And it does! And our jealousy kills. It may not kill our friend but it certainly kills our friendship. We get jealous and our jealousy puts distance between the us. We get busy and make excuses and soon we lose touch. Soon we respond the same way as Cain when our spouse asks "Hey, how is your best friend?" And we say "How should I know?"

Unclean

Matthew 8:2-3 "A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately he was cured of his leprosy."
This man with open wounds from leprosy sits on the side of the street while a little boy with curly hair stairs and points his fingers. Just then, his mother shoos the child's hand to his side and correcting him that it is not polite to point. Her act makes the leprous man feel even more isolated. No one has acknowledged his existence in months. Now in this one moment when a young life recognizes his own forgotten one, it is robbed of him. He tries to weep but there are no tears left. Life has robbed him of everything. Like a thief in the night, he was banished from society, from his family, from his job, from the house of worship, and from God. Caught between the land of the living and the land of the dead, he was a citizen of neither. He was truly an outcast.


He doesn't remember the sound of his own laughter. He doesn't remember what it is like to dream. He has forgotten what it was like to sit at a table and break bread. The scent of his wife's perfume has long vanished from his nostrils. He doesn't remember what it felt like to run his fingers through his children's hair. It seems like another life. It was another life. His own childhood dreams crashed, his heart trodden. Once a man known for his voice of healing and truth and was now a man who lacked joy, lacked faith, and lacked hope.


As was customary in the day, when a person contracted leprosy, it was thought of as a direct result of sin.

What had this man done to be cursed with leprosy a disease that neither kills nor heals? What great sin did this man commit to deserve such a horrific fate since it was believed to be divine punishment by God?

The rumors around town were horrifying. Did he steal from the tabernacle? Did he cheat on his oath by worshipping another idol? Did he have relations with a prostitute or an animal or another man?

But the sin didn't really matter for the look of distrust in his wife's eyes was unbearable. The look of disdain on his children's faces pierced his heart deeper than any sword. The shame, self hatred, and despair were far worse than any physical affliction.

He prayed for death every minute of every hour of every day, and still it had not come. It seemed to that death had forgotten him let alone God.

Broken in body and in spirit, this is the man that Jesus touches. This is the man that Jesus reaches out towards to touch not only the parts of his skin that are well, but the very parts that were disfigured. He touches the man's wounds and says "Be healed."


My friend, each one of us has a wound. Not a pretty wound that you could easily stick a bandage over. But a festering boil that eats away at our very existence. There is a leprous spot in each one of our hearts that makes us feel unclean.

We hide it away from others knowing they will shun us if we expose it. UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN! UNCLEAN! We fear them saying. So we hide out of sight, believing in a lie. The more we try to hide it though, the bigger it becomes. It is the nature of the wound for it is a life wound.
Life wounds only get bigger if they go untouched. And the savior's touch is the only thing that can absolve it.

Take some comfort in knowing that life wounds us all.
If we are living we are wounded.

Even healers have wounds. The Healer had wounds.

Jesus certainly had wounds. The cross was a wound, but instead of running away from the cross he ran towards it. Was it painful? Did he feel like God shunned him? Was he fearful and anxious?
Yes. But he went forward, spurred on by love. This is what he meant when he said Love casts out fear. It doesn't absolve facing trials, hurts, beatings, and open wounds. It absorbs them.

Even after Jesus was resurrected he had wounds. Thomas looked at this man claiming to be Christ. He could see that this man's hands were scarred, that his side was still split open from where a spear had pierced through the tan flesh.

Thomas placed his fingers in those wounds. He touched this man's feet where nails had been. He touched his hands that bruised. He placed his finger in this man's side and all the while Jesus didn't shy away. He revealed his wounds, and Thomas was able to identify him as Christ because he did so.

The resurrected body our Savior still had visible wounds. Christ says by his wounds we are healed. Without those wounds there is no hope. Those wounds became wounds of Grace.

Likewise our wounds can become wounds of Grace. Our wounds can become sources of hope. We too can join with Christ in revealing our hands, our feet, and our side for another to see Christ within us.
But we must learn the things of Christ. We must be willing to ascend to our own cross and sacrifice our pride. We must be willing to descend into our own emotional hell to discover where our hearts went astray. We must be willing to pick up our cross in order to follow him. We must, like the leper, reach out are crippled hand and offer to Christ and ask "Lord, if you are willing?"
The question my brothers, are we?

Blame

Many Christians have debated with existentialists about some of their beliefs. Some sects of existentialism hold beliefs that there is no one way or right way of living and thus Christianity doesn’t have a leg to stand or that it serves the same purpose as other religions and there is nothing all that special about Christianity. These existentialists believe that human’s main motivation is to alleviate the fear of death and the role of religion is just one way to assuage this fear. However, just like there are many denominations within Christianity, there are many differences of opinions within the existential community. Victor Frankl, an existential theorist and holocaust survivor, believed that men and women’s main motivation is not fear of death but fear of meaninglessness.
Yes, we need our lives to be meaningful but most of us are terrified of taking responsibility for our lives. We blame God for our current circumstances of failure, misery, and despair. We blame God for our lack of opportunities, for missed opportunities, or failed opportunities. We get angry because we want all the freedoms and perks that life has to offer and none of the responsibilities or dues.
But as long as we blame God or others for our current state of being, we can never change our current state. If we blame, we feel helpless not because we actually are helpless but because we choose to be helpless. God always gives us a choice. We don’t always like the choices we have, but we always have a choice. We don’t choose to live in a culture of social injustices but we do have a choice to accept it by our silence or to speak out against it. We don’t have choice over accidents, natural disasters, or death, but we do have choice how will wrestle with each issue. We don’t have a choice as to an insult from a friend, but we can choose our response. We don’t have choice over things that anger us, but we do have a choice in how we will react.
There are things that we cannot control and there are things that we can. M.Scott Peck writes perfectly about our responsibility in life. He writes that many of us take responsibility for things we shouldn’t: we are called neurotics. He also writes about people who don’t take responsibility for things we should: we are described as having a character disorder. Chances are, if you are anything like me, that in some areas of your life you take too much responsibility and in other areas in your life not enough. If we have no friends, do we question our own friendliness? If we feel like no one knows us, do we question our transparency? If we feel unlovable, do we question are own ability to love? If we feel judged, do we question the fact that we compare ourselves to every man we meet? Most of us don’t questions ourselves rather we blame the church, God, our spouses, or society for something that we can actually change.

Fortress of Solitude

We will become like the heroes we worship and adore. There is a superman in all of us, at least that is what we tend to believe about ourselves. Although we may not be faster than a speeding bullet or able to jump over tall buildings, we do believe that we are able to accomplish great feats like putting together our child's some assembly required playground equipment. But our ego gets wounded when the external world does not match our internal perceptions. We get angry. We get frustrated. We are left with the dillema to either forge ahead in our ignorance, read the directions (ask for help) or go off to our own Fortress of Solitude. On the lighter side, some men choose to go fishing, others choose to go the internet or play video games, and some choose to sit in front of the television engulfing their entire being into sports. On the darker side, we choose alcohol, sexual encounters with strangers, or drugs. All serve the same purpose, to place ourselves in a fortress against feeling like a failure. Men hate to fail but we hate feeling like a failure even more.

Nature of wounds cont.

Walk into a room of men, be it a locker room or otherwise, and ask them to show you their physical scars. Inevitably shirts come off, pants come down, and hands start pointing. Most men are proud to show other men their scars they received from old sport injuries, heroic acts, and even from ridiculous behavior. Yet, ask those same men to talk about their emotional scars from childhood traumas or relationship failures and the room grows awkwardly silent. Ask them to show you where they hurt after a best friend betrayed them, a failed marriage, or the death of a father or son. Ask another man where he feels fear or rejection and you will almost always be met with a blank stare. What man wants to talk about the pain of feeling isolated, betrayed, abandoned, or rejected in the company of other men? So we remain silent, in our own cavernous isolation of Hell. Sure we can go to work and talk with our co-workers or hangout with the guys to watch a game or two on tv. But do we ever really know the man who is sittin across from us at the card table or the more importantly the man staring back at us in the mirror. For all of us our silence compounds our pain. We don't realize that our experience is a shared human experienced. That all men long for the same things, struggle with the same fears, and even succomb to the same emotions. Dr. Larry Crabb in his book, the Silence of Adam, proposes that it was not Eve’s forbidden fruit consumption as the first sin, that it was in fact Adam’s silence in preventing Eve by warning her. In Genesis, Adam in instructed not to partake of the Tree of Knowledge but Eve is not mentioned. Dr. Crabb expounds that the male sex is the silent sex. We live most of our life in emotional and relational silence.

We will become the stories we tell ourselves. In our culture we honor comic book heros such as spiderman, batman, and superman. These are the men that we silently hold ourselves up to. We want the can do attitude of Spiderman, the mysterious life of Batman, and the power of Superman. But think for a moment, If even superman had kryptonite, are we no less expected to have our own? If Batman had a sidekick, then who is ours? If even spiderman had a superpower, than what is our own?
The truth is wounds never absolve on their own. Men who have wounds that have never healed will inevitably hurt other people. Our need for healing will continue to grow with time, not diminish away. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. There are things that even time can’t put a distance between. Some of us choose to medicate our pain with narcotics, alcohol, or sex. But the relief is fleeting. The emptiness remains and the light of hope fades faster each time. We get caught in addictions not because we are whole, but because we are broken. We are caught in vicious cycles of lust, rage, and depression as a result of the wounds we received growing up. Why do so many of our brothers end up cheating on their partners, rape, murder, steal, or commit other crimes in order to be incarcerated? Could it be that perhaps the way we were raised by our parents and our culture is somehow misguided?

The nature of wounds

M. Scott Peck opens his book, The Road Less Travelled, with the sentence” “Life is difficult.” He goes on to say that once we accept this fact as a reality, that we can move on and take responsibility for our lives. I believe in his words as there is a simple truth that rings from them. Yet, I also believe that the word he used, "difficult", does not do the hardships and the hurts of life justice.
I would say that life is more than difficult, that it is downright painful. We are born into the world through pain and some of us will exit the world through pain as well. Think about it, if even our entrance into this world is surrounded by pain (our mother’s while she is in labor) then how much more are our adult lives to be any different? Our lives are mixed with failures, disappointments, grievances, and at times horror. Life wounds all of us in some way; emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, or social. Regardless of where there is a wound, there is pain. It is true: we are all survivors of something. Some wounds are deeper than others, but make no mistake God wounds each one of us. What we do with our wounds will direct the quality of our lives. If we ignore them, we will become addicted to something in order to keep avoiding the pain. If we hide our hurts, we will always be suspicious and envious of others; we will hold people at a distance and then wonder why we feel so isolated and alone. We will judge ourselves and others to a standard that is unattainable. Even If we learn to tolerate our wounds, we may live with a constant state of dread or depression. We will begin to grow cynical, resentful, and bitter. But if we learn how to embrace our wounds, own them, and share them, then we may begin to live a life of freedom and connection.
Life will either make us better or bitter. There are no other options. We must make a choice- and not making a choice is making a choice. If we are not proactive against becoming bitter then we will eventually succumb to our pain and we will by default join the masses in groaning about life’s misery. Yet we can chose to give meaning to our pain, to let our brothers in, and become a better a man.

Restless

Jabbok River got its name after the place where the biblical character, Jacob, wrestled the angel of the Lord. After leaving his family, jacob camped beside the river. In the middle of the night, an angel appeared before him. Jacob wanting to be blessed, wrestled with the angel through out the night. In the midst of the tussle, Jacob's hip was displaced and he waled with a limp afterwards forcing him to face his brother whom he betrayed, and to face the man within himself.

Jacob's story is every man's story regardless of what your faith background is. I agree with the late Joseph Campbell who said that we will become the story we tell ourselves. But in this instance, we will more than become this story, we are this story. Every man will wrestle with God during his lifetime, and every man will walk away wounded. We are woundedly creatures. Some of us choose to ignore our wounds, some choose to compensate for it in other ways, and few of us choose to embrace it. This is a blog for those who choose to go on the journey of embracing it.